


in the places where it is soft and quiet

by kingwise



Series: there are words i can't speak written into my ribcage [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, Homesickness, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 03:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingwise/pseuds/kingwise
Summary: Pidge found this rose quartz room one day while exploring what would be her new home. She didn’t quite want to call it that though. Home was rumbling laughter, round glasses, and the smell of frozen peas heating in the microwave. And now, the only thing she had left was the glasses. (When she wore them, it felt like back when she played dress up with Matt. They represented a burning memory that she clung stubbornly to.)or, where pidge feels terribly sad and misses her family, and lance tries to help in the end (takes place pre-s4, and can be read as a stand-alone)





	in the places where it is soft and quiet

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: uh i have no concept of consistent tenses so i will be going back to edit it. originally i wrote this in present tense but i hate present tense so i changed it to past tense but i missed some so yeah.
> 
>  
> 
> its was supposed to be an introspective piece exploring pidge's mental state, and maybe projecting a bit of myself on her, but it ended up being a hurt/comfort with lance being the best big bro. i am a dirty lance stan, i could not help myself.
> 
> this is my first fic ever so uhm be kind? thank you

When Pidge looked out at the stars for long enough, it almost felt like she could hear them speak. Sometimes, she stared at them for hours on end with her feet curled inwards and hands wrapped gently around her thighs. _Hello,_ said the stars. _Hello,_ said the girl. Those were usually the times when she was calmest; sitting softly with the stars.

But now, her hands were pressed between her thighs and gripped the muscles painfully tight. Her glasses pinched the bridge of her nose, and her eyes blurred and burned. The warmth from her legs felt like some semblance of a hug, but she had never felt so alone. 

The blood in her body felt like a tidal wave; crashing and intense and painful. Right now, it was the moment of highest tension, the few seconds before the wave crests and batters against the shore. But as waves always do, it came crashing down, and it felt like she was drowning in her own skin.

The sobs were violently wrenched from her lungs. The rib cage that held a heart she had long locked away felt like it had been broken apart, bones splintering and cutting up her insides.

Pidge wrapped her hands around her legs and rocked back and forth. Maybe if she held herself tight enough, the bones and bruises would mend. She pressed her fingers underneath her glasses and tried to stop the tears. Tears solved nothing. 

She could see the bursts of light and spots of darkness through her eyelids. It was kind of enchanting in a way. The light flowed and crested, soft and unsure. So dissimilar to the violent motions of the tidals waves in her bones. The swirling subtly reminded her of the galaxies outside her window; just out of her reach.

She laughed critically to herself through her sobs. here she was, panicking in the dark, alone and cold, but fascinated by the mundane movements of light beneath her skin. 

Distractions, the stars whispered. She wanted them to shut up, but she also wanted their comfort more than ever. Sometimes it felt like the stars were the only stability she had. 

She breathed heavily into the fabric of her shorts. she was so messed up. She lifted her head and looked out the window.

Pidge found this rose quartz room one day while exploring what would be her new home. She didn’t quite want to call it that though. Home was a rumbling laughter, round glasses, and the smell of frozen peas heating in the microwave. And now, the only thing she had left were the glasses. (When she wore them, it felt like back when she played dress up with Matt. They were a burning memory she hung stubbornly to.)

The stresses of being ejected into space and her own natural introversion had eventually caught up with her, making her ache desperately for some privacy. She had walked aimlessly through the halls before she stumbled upon a section she had never seen yet. 

It was deep in the lower levels. The room was so different from the rest of the castle, where all the walls were the same: cold and sterile metal accented with turquoise. She always felt discomfited in those rooms, isolated and suffocating despite the high ceilings, despite the open space. 

The rose quartz room was soft and tender. The walls were rough stone, but felt so much more welcoming than the harsh glare of metal. Rosy colored crystals burst from the walls and delicately illuminated the room. The room itself reminded her of the Balmera. She would have to show Hunk one day. 

The subtle glow of the crystals felt like a caress, and tenderly flushed against her skin. She felt safe in this room, with its rosy pinkness and windows to the stars.

Some part of her, the reigning rational mind, questioned why she felt so comfortable and safe in this room. The repressed and bottled up emotional mind responded in kind, it’s because of the stars. 

Deep down inside, she knew the stars were always a source of comfort for her. Ever since she was young, she wanted to reach out to the world beyond her windows. She’d gaze at the stars for endless hours, daring them to speak. She felt some indescribable pull to the galaxies and skies above. 

She wonders now if that pull had been her green lion. She wonders now if the speaking stars were just a robot. 

In the places where it is quiet and soft, she could always hear the sound of her stars. Sometimes what they said wasn’t words, but fleeting impressions. it made her feel safe. Made her feel less alone. (in those moments she thought of the Olkari, “We are all the same cosmic dust”)

And now in the midst of her panic, Pidge whispered to the stars, “I don’t know what to do.”

And they said, “I don’t know how to help you. But we know someone who can.”

And so she hissed, “... If you won't help me, I can figure it out myself.”

And the stars continued to glow, “You need someone. You are all alone in this rose quartz room. You have no one to comfort you.” 

She reached outwards, “But I have you.”

In her mind, the stars had begun to cry, their light dripping into darkness, “But we aren’t physical. Not the way you need us to be. We cannot touch you or heal you.” 

She felt their tears track scars into her skin. She screamed to the stars but for once they longer listened. In the places where it is quiet and soft, and where the prismatic crystals twinkle and sing to her so beautifully, she pretends she is not alone. 

She was too young for this. She was barely fifteen and her world was already burned and blackened beneath her fingertips. 

She was thrust head first into a ten thousand year war she didn’t believe in, and all she wanted was her brother. She wanted to see his face one last time. She wanted to hug him and play monopoly late into the night. (He always played banker, and well, if a few extra dollars went missing he’d turn a blind eye.)

She missed her father. She missed her long hair and she missed her dog and she missed her mother, and god she even missed Rover, the robot that ended up abandoning her too. 

She had the team now, sure. And she had the ability to run a proper search for her family, (even if it’s been fruitless) and the hope to find them alive (though some part of her, the tidal wave she desperately tried to control, whispered that they were already dead.)

She had stopped crying now, but her chest still felt tight and her splintered bones were still scraping up her insides. 

She wanted to stop being alone. She wanted to stop feeling guilty for every minute she wasn’t searching for her family (even though, this is the first time she had stepped away from her computer in over 12 hours. She did not stop to eat or sleep if she can help it, and it was only Lance’s gentle ribbing that got her to take care of herself. She pretended to hate him for it; snapping and getting angry and resisting, but on the inside she had never been more grateful to have another older brother. She knew she had to tell him that one day.)

Speak of the devil and he shall appear (or in this case imagine), she thought when she noticed Lance’s reflection next to hers the glass of the window. She took in his awe-struck expression as he looked around the rose quartz room. She remembered her expression mirrored his the first time she saw it.

She felt a small spark of irritation, this was her special room, the place where she could be vulnerable and alone and cry. She pushed the anger away, but chose not to acknowledge him. 

She could see Lance focus his attention on her after a few moments. She watched his eyes widen as he stared at her back, her arms wrapped tightly around her thighs and staring out the window. 

Pidge heard him take a deep breath and exhale slowly. She feels him plop down next to her, and heat radiates from his body. 

Lance looked at ease, when she gazed at him from the corner of her eye. His face was serene, and he sat leaning back with his hands supporting him. His eyes gleamed bright and blue, reflecting the galaxies they looked out at. 

For once, Lance wasn’t talking. Normally Pidge would be fine with this, Lance often grated on her nerves, but the lack of mindless chatter made her anxious. She fidgeted absently with the hem of her shorts. 

“I’ve been looking for you, Pidge,” Lance said casually.

“I completely didn’t expect to find you in this sweet place! This is even better than the observatory room!” he grinned. 

Pidge didn’t feel up to talking small talk. And she knew that Lance means something else beneath the cheerful words. 

“How’d you find me?” her voice sounded very small and cracked on the third word. When she lifted her head to look at him directly, she knew he can see the evidence of her tears in her blotchy and red face.

“You know? Funnily enough, I just kinda got the urge to look for you. I felt like you would need me. My spidey senses were tingling,” he laughed, before pausing and looking a bit introspective, “It sorta felt like the stars were telling me where to go.”

“The stars?”

“Yeah! You know how Mullet talked about how Blue pulled him in back at the desert? Something like that maybe. You ever felt anything like it?”

“You could say that…" and she thought back to the panicking thoughts only moments ago, she shook her head to clear the memory and said, "I’m surprised you found this place though. I wasn’t aware that anyone knew where it was.”

Lance rolled his eyes, “Like I said, it was the stars, man,” he sang, “You know what they say, ‘the lights will guide you home.”

Pidge felt a burst of warmth in her chest. This castle of metal and harsh angles was so unlike the memories of soft edges and comfort she remembed, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. A house was not a home on its own, it was the people inside who made it feel warm.

She said, a small smile on her face, “I think I’ve felt those stars since I was young. I always felt like they spoke to me. I’m wondering now if they are my imagination or maybe even the green lion. It makes no logical sense, but emotionally it does for some reason.”

Lance smiled at her, “Oh the great and wise Pidge-sensei, give me the sciencey (maybe even timey wimey) explanation.”

But see, the thing was, Pidge didn’t know. Pidge didn’t know anything right now. She didn’t understand the stars and why they spoke. She didn’t know where her family is, or where she even is (the days and weeks have blurred together, and the galaxies all merged together into one large watercolor painting), she didn’t understand why the green lion chose her or why Lance was sitting in here with her in her special room. 

Her eyes welled up with tears and it was all over when she opened her mouth to say, “I can’t.”

But instead, she took a deep breath, fingernails scratching crescent moons into her palms, she said, “Why are you here, lance? I kinda want to be alone.”

Lance didn’t say anything for a while. But when he finally opened his mouth he said slowly, “Sometimes you need someone to lean on.”

Pidge’s eyes widened a bit in disbelief. She didn’t need anyone. She’s been in this game for so long, and it’s always been single player. Since the day the Kerberos mission was declared a failure, Pidge had distinctly felt like she’s been on the run. 

Hacking into the Garrison, disguising herself as boy, searching for answers, it’s all been her. All by herself. She didn’t need anyone, or at least she tried to tell herself that. 

Lance continued, “I’m an older brother, ya know? My household is wild. I have so many siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews running around that it’s hard to keep track. But there are times you just kinda know when things are wrong. I can feel it. I wasn’t kidding about my spidey senses!”

Lance laughed a little, and Pidge expressed the barest edge of a smile. 

“And well, you’re my family now. _Mi familia del espacio ultraterrestre._ So I can tell we you need help too.”

He paused before he said, “And at least until we get your family back, I’m going to be your big brother.” 

The tears she tried to hold back poured out and she threw herself at Lance. He caught her, but grunted painfully when she accidentally shouldered him the throat. She chuckled through her tears. He was right, he was so right and she knew it. The tidal wave of things she had tried to convince herself disapated into a gentle flow with those tender words.

“I’m sorry, Lance.” 

Slightly wheezy but with his full smile, he responded, “All good.” 

She hugged him for all his worth. 

“You always know what to say,” she smiled before she amended her statement with a smirk, “except for when you’re flirting that is.”

He pulled back and gasped dramatically, before he placed a hand on his heart and said, “Pidge! You wound me!”

He grinned and reached to ruffle her hair, “But seriously, Pidge, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. Unless you want to, of course. We can vent and play video games and do face masks and shit. I do it with Keith all the time. And no matter what he says he loves those face masks. Whenever we do them together he even lets me braid his mullet. Don’t tell him I told you that.” 

Pidge laughed, and looked down at her hands, “I’d like to sometime. But for right now, I think I’m okay.” 

Lance continued to chatter incessantly next to her. She looked over at him. The blushes of the rose quartz crystals glowed on his face. The shadows swayed and danced animatedly on the planes of his face, reflecting the wild gestures he made as he told a story about his youngest brother. Keith is a lucky guy, but she feels even luckier to score him as a brother. 

She loved Lance’s stories, even if sometimes she was exasperated with him. He felt the stories in his bones, and his words came alive. She could see the images in the motions of his body, reliving the memory as if she had been there with him.

He finished his story with a fond but exasperated sigh. When a few moments later Lance looked down at his hands, lost and melancholic, Pidge knew what she had to do.

Pidge never prided herself on her ability to use words or comfort others. When she tried, the words often got tangled and jumbled up in her mouth into some intelligible mass. She kept to herself and spoke when the words mattered. Well, unless she was provoked. She had little control over her anger. 

But Pidge knew what to do in this moment. Or at least she hoped so. She placed her hand on Lance’s shoulder and said, “If you’re my space brother, I’m your space sister. Hermana? Is that right?”

He laughed, but she could see little tears escaping from his eyes, “Yeah that’s right. Your pronunciation could use some work, though. How did you butcher a single word so badly?” He scoffs, “White people.”

Pidge reached to hug him again.

He said, his voice muffled a bit, “Anyway, Hunk made some new pizza thing that apparently tastes like real pizza, but I wanted to find you before trying it. Keith’s already there, I think. I told him to wait up. Feel up to going?”

She nodded, “Long as you keep the PDA to a minimum. Even the glances. I can only handle so many lovesick expressions before I actually get ill.”

He continued, ignoring the last comment, “Plus, we can ask Allura about this magic room of yours. She’d probably know more about it. Piggyback ride?”

She chuckled and jumped up on his back. Lance whistled as he carried her back to the kitchen. In that moment, her head on Lance’s shoulder, laughing until her sides ache, she realized that even in the places where it was soft and quiet, she was never truly alone.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!  
> check me out at kingwise on tumblr  
> i could probably write a lance pov of y'all wanted but idk. lance's voice is hard for me to capture. so is pidges. im not very good at this. lemme know suggestions and whether they seem out of character or not. 
> 
> i kinda want to write a multi chap fic but i dont have enough confidence in myself?? i probably wouldnt finish either so jm like ://
> 
> thank you tho pls comment if you enjoyed!


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